I was recently told that I needed to "open up and talk more". Now, anyone who knows me might find this statement more than a little hilarious. I have no problem standing up and delivering a great sermon, be the main speaker for women's meetings, lead a mission team, and never have any trouble with "speaking".
But when it comes to talking about myself and my shortcomings, well that's something entirely different.
So the next time I was in a meeting, I decided to give it a shot. I'd talk about myself. I told how I had perfected the art of living a double life. On the outside I appeared to be very put together, patient, calm, and always smiling. And indeed that was the person I wanted to be. But the flip side of me was scared, discouraged, anxious, weak, and intimidated.
I am a preachers daughter for heavens sake! A missionary! I sing on the worship team! I teach children's church! I'm not supposed to have all these weaknesses!
After the meeting was over, a woman approached me and said, "I know exactly what you mean. I was a phony too."
Well, I was immediately offended. That's not what I intended to say at all! And if that's all you got out of it, I'm going right back to not saying anything.
I went home, and after thinking and thinking about what I had said, and what she had said, I realized that that was exactly what I was. A phony. A failure.
I went to God. And He brought me to The Word. Psalms 37:24. "Though you fall, you will not be utterly cast down, for The Lord upholds you with His hand."
Isaiah 41:10, "Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I AM YOUR GOD! I will strengthen you and help you, I will hold you up with my victorious right hand!
I realized that I am not a failure, I'm just a human. And in that realization came a great peace.
I need God and I need His strength, His wisdom! I need Him to lift me up with His mighty hand!
2 Corinthians 4:9 ...we may get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.
And I could hear Jesus whispering in my ear, "Just because you have failed, that does not mean you're a failure!
So the next time I have the opportunity to share my failures with someone else, I can also share the truth that because of Jesus and His saving power, I am not a failure.